Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been able to post but work has been ridiculously busy and I've been trying to get everything ready for my surgery tomorrow. My pre-op diet has been EXTREMELY challenging and I guess I'll add it to the list of failed diets for me. I was pretty good for the most part, but some days, it was really hard. Especially since I've been battling migraines (no more Starbucks!) and I can't take excedrin so I've been taking liquid adult Tylenol which hasn't been helping that much.
The good news is that I have officially lost 9 lbs (I started at 209.4, I thought it was 207.2 but I was wrong) and we'll see how much more I lost tomorrow. I'm hoping to be under 200 lbs (I'm 200.4) and for a safe surgery! My nerves are REALLY starting to kick in right now and I'm pretty scared right now. It's 9:37pm and I've already done the laundry and packed my bags for the hospital. I also took my 1st of 2 showers with the pre-surgical scrub. Shit is really getting real right now. I know I'm making the right decision but I somehow feel like a failure.
I couldn't diet on my own for 11 years and now have resorted to weight loss surgery but this will NOT be easy. So to all the naysayers saying this is the easy way out, you have NO idea what you're talking about. Food is not only an addiction of mine, but something I enjoy socially (that sounds like I'm describing my drinking or smoking habits) so I've really shut down lately. I don't want to go out, I don't want to see people because I know eating comes with the territory.. or drinking and I can't drink for a long time.
The next few weeks (really 2 months) will be a huge challenge for me since I'll be starting off with a pure liquid diet (more restrictive than the past 2 weeks!) than the second week I'll be in a liquid phase.. Basically all the drinks I could have (water, diet snapple, propel, etc) plus protein shakes, sugar free popsicles, sugar free jello. The third phase will be soft foods (think refried beans, pureed soup, etc) and then I can eat "normal" again. It definitely won't be normal because I'll be getting full after like a half cup of food (maybe 1 cup of food). It makes me sad to think I won't be able to eat a burrito or 3 slices of pizza anymore, but honestly, that's what got me here in the first place. Food is for fuel, not for anything else. A wise friend once told me that *wink*.
I have to just take a minute and thank everyone that DOES know about the surgery and has been accepting and supportive. I know this is a very controversial subject (why is beyond me!) and even if some of my friends don't like the idea of it, they're still there for me. I also want to thank my son Declan for loving my big belly and being sad that it's not going to be there anymore (he seems to think it's going to be as small as his soon!). I love you and Kieran so much and you guys are one of the biggest reasons why I'm doing this surgery. To Rick, my husband, thank you for putting up with me and my HANGRY stage. I'm sorry I've snapped a few times at you (especially for you eating McDonalds and pizza around me) but you know I love you so much <3
I guess it's time to go to sleep (or attempt to) but I love you all and thank you again for your support... Until we meet again!
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